The past

This morning i was rearranging my wardrobe. Despite the fact that i really in a great mood for cleaning things like that but also because... IT SUCH A MESS DUDE! fiuh. Like a broken ship ( my mom's words)
And anyway, today is my last day in this fucking shit holiday. Soooooo, i just want a fresh and new appearance in my bedroom. For a better days. Hehe ( I hope this really affect my days later)

Coincidentally, i found an album in my wardrobe. It is an old album with old photos inside.


*when i was child


*my father when he was young


*my mom and me when we was STILL such an ugly duck. LOL ( shame oh lame)


*me and my lil bro when we were child


*me and my dad


*my besties in JHS


*three musketeer (jess,me,viktor)


*radinal,me and yola


*lani,me and happy


*jesika,helen and me


*when i was in kindergarten

going back to the past always been a 'mood booster' for me. I reminded by the joys, fun, even the tears. Yeah, i'm trapped. Trapped into something that doesnt exist anymore now. The moments.
Maybe i was young so i cant achieve for what i already had that time, because today i feel so much regrets in my heart. Regret for not enjoying the moment that time as enjoy as i can, regret for not freezing the time so i wont miss it like today, regret for not having more moments that time and the most regret that i feel is... for not having my besties and family as full as it was nowadays :(

Maybe things goes better now. And one of the things is my appearance. Actually, our appearance. Because when we were older we usually give more attention to our looks. hehe (at least for me) and maybe also with the attitude. We become more mature than we were and I gratefully blessed for this.
But you know what? Somehow i miss the dullness, weakness, and the youngness wich i had in the time. It feels like, when you know you were dull then you'll try harder to fix it (it doesnt mean that i feel pretty or what now, it just...better), when you know that you were weak than you'll hop on another else to ask for helps, and when you know you were young then you'll waste it with your youth spirit because you know when you're old you can do that anymore.

All thoughts that i have above dont really mean that i'm not like that today. It just... i feel so much better when i was there. Inhales exhales.
I dont know whats going on with myself. I may hardly losing myself. Feel scared and afraid about what future will like be. Saw other people changed make me more and more afraid. What if in the end i found myself as the only one who still at the same place and still be the same person?